I love to sit amongst the past. 

It’s comfortingly different from now. 

You can see the building blocks,

Of where you’ve ended up. 

But there’s always a reason why it’s past. 

Why things have changed. 

So I don’t sit long. 


I couldn’t write Christmas cards this year.

I had the cards. The stamps. And I sat down a number of times to write them but always ended up wandering off again. 

Then it hit me today as I was running.  I’ve lost three of the first, close friends I made when I moved here. To write cards highlight’s holes in my life. 

This year has had me wrestling with the doubt that I’m a good friend. I think I’m a good person but friend? When I can be cut off so easily? It’s made me feel awkward round people. 

Amongst all the angst and drama I’ve been spending time soul searching. I’ve worked on being a person I can look in the mirror at. 

I’ve changed, come so far from the person I was a year ago. So maybe it’s right that who I am no longer fits in with their lives. 

Our journeys have changed. 

And I’m going to keep running mine because I’m not changing back.