Jack

You ever loose your best friend?

Well this is my story of how I lost mine.

Have you heard of Jack? And his beanstalk?

I bet you have. But did you know that was his version of the story?

This is mine..

Jack did have magic beans, that part’s true. You see, we all have them, just some people have forgotten how to use them. Well Jack planted one at my feet and over the years the vine grew up through me, twisting up to reach the sky. So we were close but far away from each other. Bound by the vine. Tendrils tangled into my heart, my wrists, my hair.

You should have seen the vine, it wasn’t the usual run-of-your-mill variety, and that’s what I loved about it. Secrets, dreams and souls were bound up in its leaves. Flowers filled the air with their heady scent. And the music it made when the wind blew calmed my wildness. It was beautiful. A shimmer of happiness, in sun or rain.

Everything Jack felt, I felt. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes we’d fight, but the friendship always held firm, because the roots had had years to grow deep.

Then a being came into Jack’s life and she didn’t like the vine we had. (There had been others before but they’d never noticed me.) This one declared herself allergic to the flowers.

Now this is the sad part.

Grab a tissue.

He cut it. Just a little at first. Hoping if she couldn’t see the flowers she wouldn’t have an allergic reaction. But she wasn’t stupid, she knew it was lies. So he cut a little more so he could pretend it wasn’t there when she was around. Now I didn’t just stand there. I tried to fix it. Reaching out to him then her. I tried everything I could. But her anger and hate was too deep. There was no hope.

He cut the vine at the base then. Scared at being caught in his lies to her and to me.
Only this was a living thing. And it grew through me. Each cut had hurt, but the final one that killed the vine, hurt the most. Have you ever cut a plant? It dies from the inside out. It rots in the middle, while its outside becomes brittle, splintering into anything that comes into contact with it. Well that’s what was inside me. A painful hole.

So I’m still picking out the splinters and rotting pieces because I don’t want to carry that around with me any more. And I’m working on digging out the roots, because I can’t be hurt like that again.

The hole’s too big to fill in straight away, and on some days I feel it more then others. The gap in my chest makes it hard to breathe.

But remember when I said everyone has magic beans? Well I’m lucky. I have others who’ve shared theirs with me. They grow through me. Binding me with their beauty and friendship. Helping me stay standing. I’ll slowly turn the dark into light.

So on days that you hurt too much, just think, the hole they’ve left, will turn into something beautiful. I bet my bottom bean on it.
So why’s there no giant in my story? Well that’s his part of the story. So I’ve no idea where he got it from…

 

Poster Girl 

Don’t make me the poster girl,

For all the problems in your life.

You don’t know me;

And let’s leave it like that. 

Your insecurities are showing,

And no inches of make-up,

Will hide your ugly, bitter heart. 

Lost Girl

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Write me alive again,

I’m lost.

Shattered back into pieces with his phone call.

And I’m trying to find the girl,

With a swing of hip,

And I don’t give a fuck strut.

She’s the one with a fearless heart,

Who never gives up.

I won’t look in a mirror,

Because mirrors lie.

I’ll look in words,

To remind me who I am.

And I’ll write.

I’ll write myself alive again.

Seeds

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Some people,

When they brush against our life,

Leave seeds of forests and wild flowers to grow inside us.

Some leave deserts.

And I guess it’s what you grow inside you,

That determines what you scatter into others lives.

So choose wisely.